HONOR THY FATHER... Most of us watched in fascination Friday night as a real life episode of "The Fugitive" unfolded on all the networks. Barbara Walters asked, if the O.J. Simpson chase across the freeways of Los Angeles was a made-for-TV movie, would anyone believe what they were seeing or call if a pure fantasy? The real tragedy of this entire episode is that the Simpson children must now face the fact that their father is allegedly the murderer of their mother. The networks are already preparing for "Day One" of the O.J. Simpson saga for monday. A book is being written about the murder and is due on the book stands on July 1. The power of the mass media is sometimes unrealistic. At the same time Simpson was on the run, another father, Arnold Palmer was retiring from a sport which he dominated for nearly two decades and helped to bring to prominence as a gentleman's pursuit. Teary-eyed, Arnie said goodbye to competition. When asked about his thoughts regarding the Simpson Affair (he and O.J. made a few Hertz commercials together) he declined to comment saying he didn't know enough about the facts. William Bennett, former Secretary of Education, said on "Meet the Press," that the lesson in this event is that sports figures are not and should not be heroes. They are celebrities. "Character is what makes role models," he said. It is dangerous to make them into heroes. They are, he concluded, just people who, like the rest of us are flawed and every now and then will make decisions that shock us to the core. Perhaps now I understand what Charles Barkley meant when he said, "I'm not a role model. I play basketball. Look to your fathers for role models." Given the violent manner in which he plays, I wouldn't want to model my play, or my life after him. On Sunday, Reggie Jackson, Cal Ripken Jr., and David Robinson were interviewed and recalled the meaningful relationships they had with their fathers. Each one thanked his father for being there for him. They each bemoaned the fact that many children today are growing up without fathers and thereby, without the primary role model in their life. Gil Garcetti, Los Angeles prosecuting attorney, said that the real victims in the Simpson case were the mother, Nicole Brown Simpson, and the Simpson children. All this could have been avoided if, in 1989 when Simpson was finally arrested after 9 incidents of wife battering, he received treatment for his problem. Statistics indicate that more women die as a result of domestic violence than from any other cause. Two out of every ten woman who are assaulted by their spouses eventually are murdered by their batterers. So on Father's Day weekend, American emotions are in turmoil. To be a father in this society is a confusing task. Many forces pull fathers this way and that. There is a need to redefine the role of Fatherhood for these times. First, fatherhood is a lifetime commitment. It doesn't end when a child is conceived. In fact, conception is the easiest and most fun part of being a parent. No, the work comes after that moment and continues until the last dying breath of a father's life. Diapers, late nights feeding a squawking child, little sleep, worries about money, and all the other responsibilities which plague a man are just a part of the formula for fatherhood. Handling all of these pale in the face of the next 20 years guiding a child into man or womanhood. Each and every act the father demonstrates in front of his child prepares him or her for the future. This is what makes being a father so difficult. Changing diapers and late night feedings are easy. It's easy to love a child when he or she is helpless and nestled in a father's arms. How much more difficult it is to work with the adolescent who challenges authority and wants to be "grown up" before his or her time? It's like the old saying, "kittens are so cute. Too bad they have to grow up to be cats." Each and every child is unique. Each and every father must prepare to deal with the uniqueness of his child. There is no handbook. Even Dr. Spock's text does not define how to deal with this specialness. It is one of the greatest mysteries of life how a child develops into a man or woman. The 20th century's psychological research demonstrates their is no definitive answer to this question. Fathers often must go it alone. Mothers can be mothers. They can't be fathers, though many single mothers are subjected to playing both roles. Most fathers live out the roles they remember their fathers played out for them. Without a father in a man's life, the role becomes murky. If a grandfather assumed the role for a man child, there is some foundation for the future, but it's not the same. What is most confusing to many men today is what to do when the child becomes exposed to a world which presents so many differing points of view, so many contradictory roles to model. How can these influences be balanced by what most fathers would hope are wholesome, good, honest ones? Herein lies the rub. There is no clear path for any man to follow from being just a man to becoming a father. Reading may help, but by the time the average man becomes a father, he already has practiced being a man for an average of 20 or more years. Some lessons are difficult to unlearn. Most of the kids I work with do not come from traditional, nuclear families. In fact, single parents are the predominant force in our society today. Some may bemoan these facts, but they just are. What we do with them is something altogether different. Perhaps sex education in our schools needs to be revamped to include parenting, being fathers and mothers, as well as teaching our kids about the "birds and the bees." The emphasis on child birth leaves an impression that after a baby is born, parenting is nothing more than doing what comes naturally. Those of us who are parents know this is just not so. Father's day comes once a year. For a few moments we honor those who have chosen this important life role. For the other 364 days of the year the real work is done. Year after year after year, until death, a father is a father. For those of us lucky enough to have our father's still alive today, we can thank them for all they've given us. For those whose father's are gone, only memories remain. We must then, through our living example, honor them by modeling for our sons and daughters the good things we learned from those respected patriarchs. It is our duty to take all that we learned, all that we remember, all that we were privileged to experience as boys, and make sure that we act in such a way that our fathers would or will be proud of us as fathers one generation later. To those fathers now gone, to those still living, and to those yet to become, fatherhood is for men the greatest challenge in life. As Matthew wrote, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." We can give our fathers no greater gift.